| Achievement | How to unlock
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| - Calm the Wizard 50 times.
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| - Date night with Hat Chan.
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- How To Win Friends and Sacrifice People
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| - Unlock your first alter-ego.
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| - Violate Hatchan immediately.
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| - Catch a Hat without moving from your starting position.
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- The King is Dead, Long Live The Hats
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| - Feel the Wizards Wrath 50 times.
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| - Play your first mini game.
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| - Read all text on the Story Screen.
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