| Achievement | How to unlock
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| - Kill yourself using your own grenades.
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| - Blow yourself up with a rocket launcher.
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| - Return the cursed flag to Lady Tallowmere without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Return the flag without dropping it, and without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Receive healing from Lady Tallowmere while on 1 health.
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| - Defeat the three-headed Hydra without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Acquire a 5-star piece of headgear without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Acquire a 5-star outfit without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Acquire a 5-star shield without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Acquire a 5-star weapon without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Sacrifice all nine kittens and die a little inside.
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| - Acquire a 6-star piece of headgear without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Acquire a 6-star outfit without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Acquire a 6-star shield without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Acquire a 6-star weapon without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Defeat Jazza without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Acquire a 7-star piece of headgear without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Acquire a 7-star outfit without sacrificing any kittens.
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- Otherworldly Shieldbearer
| - Acquire a 7-star shield without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Acquire a 7-star weapon without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Free Lady T from her peril without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Make it to Room 10 without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Make it to Room 20 without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Make it to Room 30 without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Make it to Room 40 without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Make it to Room 50 without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - Make it to Room 60 without sacrificing any kittens.
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| - While stealthed with the Emerald Dagger, stab an enemy in the back.
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