| Achievement | How to unlock
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- Anger Management Required
| - You really aught to do something about that stabbing habit.
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| - Why would you shoot ted?! He's your best and only friend!
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| - This hand ain't goin' nowhere.
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| - Completed the first level.
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| - Completed the second level.
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| - Completed the final level.
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| - Use a frag grenade to end your tea party.
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| - Witness the potato box flying through space-time.
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| - Get an 'A' rank in all Mode 1 levels.
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| - Completed the third level.
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| - Make a tea within a tea, or something.
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| - Get an 'A' rank in all Mode 2 levels.
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| - Flip the bird, if the bird were a fancy bird.
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| - Get an 'S' rank in every level, in both Mode 1 and Mode 2.
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- This monday to friday plane
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| - Yes, well ... I'd call you a buffoon too if you poured hot water on me. Indeed!
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| - Let the chi flow through the spasticity of your hand.
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| - Completed the fourth level.
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