| Achievement | How to unlock
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|---|
- Beat the Snot out of Wellesley ( 50 points )
| - Defeat Wally Wellesley. "Like I said..."
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- Bedlam Basher ( 5 points )
| - Kill a Bandit from behind with a melee attack. "Good for you. Coward."
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- Dances with Guns ( 10 points )
| - Don't let any dance bots die in Level 2. "Do dancing robots dream of disco sheep?"
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- Death Hazard ( 20 points )
| - Score 20 single-shot Zombie kills. "Don't these things usually hang out in shopping malls?"
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- Deja-Vu ( All Over Again) ( 30 points )
| - Defeat Sting Sniperscore yet AGAIN in Level 7. "I. Have had. Enough. Of YOU!!"
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| - Defeat Sting Sniperscope again in Level 3. "Your present ends now. Again."
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- Disco is Dead ( 20 points )
| - Defeat Sonny Tang. "Sonny, YOUR ass is kicked!"
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| - Get 50 Dual-Wield Six-Shooter kills. "Now all we need is the spaghetti..."
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- Head Cheese ( 10 points )
| - Kill all butcher shop enemies with headshots. "You're not PAYING for ammo. Feel free to use more."
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- Housing Crisis ( 10 points )
| - Escape from Dexter's mansion. "I gotta get me a house like THAT!"
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| - Defeat Altos Tratus. "Forecast for the next level: no more clouds."
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- Meat Your Maker ( 10 points )
| - Blast all hanging beef. "Udder destruction? Steaking a claim? Beating your...I can go on all day."
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- Meet Quentin. ( 100 points )
| - Meet Quentin. "DUDE!!!!!"
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- Multiplayer Master! ( 30 points )
| - "What? No multiplayer? Sigh. Well...not like we can take the achievement back NOW...."
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- Observe the Grenade ( 15 points )
| - Kill three Testers with one grenade launcher shot. "Test the grenades: check!"
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- Pure Energy ( 10 points )
| - Get 50 Energy Pistol kills. "Blaster? I hardly know 'er!"
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- Russian to the Finish ( 20 points )
| - Defeat General Neutronov. "From Hazard, With Love."
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| - Defeat Sting Sniperscope. "Your present ends now."
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| - "What do you mean the interrogation feature was cut?!? Here...just take the achievement."
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| - Defeat the Tentacle Beast of Tramm. "One-two shot right to the tentacles."
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- Well, I Heard them Scream ( 10 points )
| - Get 50 Plasma Rifle kills. "Plasma rifles. They're not just for Space Marines anymore."
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